VT: Laura In Wonderland
by Ek01
Summary: It is 1967, in Cambridge, England. Laura Carrot inexplicably falls down a rabbit hole into a mysterious LSD like world, trying to find a way out. Set to the music of the Swingin' Sixties, this somewhat modern, epic take “Alice in Wonderland" is sure to be wondrous!
1. Allusions

The Red Queen (portrayed by Madame Blueberry)'s personality was heavily inspired by Barbra Streisand. Additionally, she even sings some of "Don't Rain on My Parade."

A lot of 60's references are made throughout the story, from the culture to the history.

Laura quotes Scarlett O'Hara in one scene.

The Mad Hatter's (portrayed by Larry) flower tea party area bears huge resemblance to the "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" cartoon.

Elvis Presley is mentioned, the Mad Hatter even morphs his face and voice to sound like him (near the end, he mentions he saw his death).

Laura says "Blow me down!" in one scene, a clear reference to cartoon character "Popeye the Sailor Man".

Numbers of allusions and references to the original Lewis Carroll book version are mentioned, as well as references alluding to the classic 1959 Alice in Wonderland Disney film.

A parody version of the Beatles appears. After they see the Jabberwocky, a frightened vegetable resembling Ringo Starr says "can we go back to America, now?". Additionally, a number of their songs are featured.


	2. Songs

Beatle Medley

All you Need is Love

Yellow Submarine

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Other music:

My Girl

(The Temptations)

I'm Late"/White Rabbit mashup

("I'm late"performed by Emily Asparagus as the White Rabbit/Jefferson Airplane)

Don't Rain on My Parade

(Barbra Streisand, from the musical, "Funny Girl", performed by Madame Blueberry as the Red Queen)

Blue Suede Shoes

(Elvis Presley, briefly performed

by Larry as the Mad Hatter)

I Can't Help Myself

(The Four Tops)


	3. Prologue

The streets of Cambridge are very quiet and quaint, as per the norm. It is early spring, and the weather is not typically as rainy. A rolls royce zooms through the city, said car belonging to one of the wealthiest families in Britain, the Liddells.

Laura, the youngest Liddell and her elder sister were on their way to the park for a most enjoyable afternoon, the radio set to music

by a new music group, the

Temptations.

"I've got

sunshine on a cloudy day.

When it's cold

outside I've got

the month of

May."

While Laura's elder sister drank tea and knitted a doily, Laura gazed out the window and sang along.

"I guess you'd

say

What can make

me feel this way?

My girl (my girl,

my girl)

Talkin' 'bout my

girl (my girl)..."

"Oooooh my giiirrrllll!" Sang Laura.

"Dear Sister, will you kindly stop? Your singing is becoming rather

incorrigible."

"In America all the negroes sing stuff like this--the white people think they're stupid, BAH! A novel idea, eh sis?" Laura smiled.

"I agree with you, dear sister one-hundred percent," said Laura's sister. "But why are you singing that? you aren't a negro, much less an American one."

"Uh..." Laura paused. "Because I can."

"I've got so

much honey the

bees envy me.

I've got a sweeter

song than the

birds in the

trees."

The car slowly drove down another lane, and into the park.

"Well, I guess

you'd say

What can make

me feel this way?

My girl (my girl,

my girl)

Talkin' 'bout my

girl (my girl).

Hey hey hey

Hey hey hey

Ooooh."

Laura and her sister exited the car and walked towards the park while their butler waited for them to return. In one non-existent arm,

Laura's sister held a history book--

one particular textbook that the younger carrot sibling absolutely

LOATHED. So they sat down on two

rocks near a stream and started to read.


	4. Rabbit Hole

"...In the year 1065, on the third of October, Morcar, brother of Edwin was elected Earl of Northumbria. This of course, was after the previous Earl had..."

Laura groaned.

While Laura's sister continued to read, the young carrot could have sworn she heard singing. She peeped around with her peripheral vision, until she saw a white blur whizz by.

"Laura?" Asked her sister. "Aren't you listening?"

"Uh," Laura started. "May I please be excused to the...lavatory?" She fabricated her question.

"Certainly." Said her sister. "Do hurry back, I've reached the part

that discusses William the Conqueror--my favourite."

Laura dashed through the bushes, until she could see what had distracted her (life is never easy for a partially ADHD child).

"...I'm late,

I'm late, for a very

important date,

No time to say

hello,

GOODBYE!

I'm late, I'm late,

I'm late!"

It was a slender, white rabbit, that seemed to be...talking?

And...walking on its hind legs much like a man would.

The rabbit appeared to be female in build, she wore a black sweater, skirt, and glasses.

"...I'm late,

I'm late, for a very

important date,

No time to say

good-bye,

HELLO!!

I'm late, I'm late,

I'm late!"

Laura continued to run after the rabbit, until it went down a hole. The carrot hesitated at first, then went in. And that's when things got weird.

"One pill makes you larger, and

one pill makes you

small

And the ones that

mother gives you,

don't do anything

at all"

Laura was suddenly surrounded by nothing but multi-colored sparkles as she fell down, and continuously. She could not see too well, but she

managed to make out chickens

turning into chicks and reverting back to eggs, a horrifically hilarious caricature of Richard Nixon, and a...giant, smiling cat face?!

"Go ask Alice,

when she's ten

feet tall"

Incorrect mathematics questions were in front of her, some being "four times eight equals twenty-twelve", "two times four equals (¿¿¿)". Then, two gourd twins wearing matching clothes and hats appeared in front of her, smashing her with their ridiculously fat bodies. On one's hat was "Dum" on the other's was "Dee".

"What weird names." Thought

Laura.

"And if you go

chasing rabbits,

and you know you're going to

fall

Tell 'em a hookah-

smoking

caterpillar has

given you the

call"

A giant worm crawled out of an equally as large apple. Laura was then shoved into a ginormous eyeball, and out of a ginormous set of teeth.

"And call Alice,

when she was just

small"

Finally, Laura stopped falling through a tunnel, and now she was just falling. She saw the white rabbit, but it shape-shifted into a female asparagus wearing the same clothing, only it wore glasses and had long rabbit ears.

"Ooooohhhhh my earsandwhiskers, I shall be late!" The rabbit-woman piped. She ran away.

"Late for wha?" Asked Laura.

"When logic and proportion

have fallen sloppy

dead

And the white

knight is talking

backwards

And the red

queen's off with

her head

Remember what

the dormouse

said

Feed your head,

feed your

head"

Laura fell through a

series of canopies, much like in a

rainforest.

"OOH!"

"AUGH!"

"OH!"

"OW!"

"EEH!"

"THIS!"

"IS!"

"A!"

"REALLY LONG!"

"FAAAAAAAAAALLLL!!"

Laura plummeted to the ground, birds fluttered away. She looked around, feeling the pains of her injury.

"Frankly, Scarlett, I DO give a...er...darn.."

Laura plopped back to the ground, face-first.

The sounds of the wind literally whistling through the trees and

various "cuckoo" birds lulled Laura

to sleep.


	5. Here, Kitty Kitty!

Laura awoke with a gasp. She looked around, no one was there. "HELLO-OOOOOOOOOO!!" She yelled.

"hello-oooo!!!" Her voice echoed all throughout the forests.

Suddenly, something very big dropped from the trees. Laura's eyes widened as it started circling her.

The thing opened its jaws--it was a half-cat half-rhubarb woman...er, THINGAMAJIG!

"AAAAAAAAAA!!" Yelled the cat.

"AAAAAAAAAA!!" Yelled Laura.

"SHH!!" Exclaimed the cat-woman.

"You're blowing my cover!"

"You're shushing me?" Laura tried to speak, until she was muffled by the woman's extremely fluffy tail.

"It can sense fear.." The feline female gripped her spear, cautious of the monster, who was sniffing the ground, trying to find and kill Laura.

"What can?!" Said Laura.

Eventually, the monster went to search elsewhere. The cat-woman breathed a sight of relief, then

released Laura.

"WHO ARE YOU, WHERE THE HECK AM I, WHAT WAS THAT THING, and..."

Laura looked around. Strange creatures floated about and chattered in the canopy-like forest above. A thing with a bicycle horn walked by, honking as it went.

"Am...I on some kind of drug?!"

"I," spoke the feline woman, "am Chessi Felina Barnsley, also known as the the Cheshire Cat, the guardian of the Wonderland forests. You're not on drugs, you are in Wonderland, and that is a Jabberwocky."

"Oh." Said Laura. "Well...thank you for clearing that up." She replied, sarcastically.

"Anyway, now that you're here, you can help me with finding the sword."

"The what?" Asked Laura.

"The Vorpal Sword. The only thing that can kill the Jabberwocky and free Wonderland from its apex predator complex.." the Cheshire Cat gripped Laura with her tail and looked around. "We must journey to the palace of the Red Queen quickly and quietly, or it will spot us."

"Oh no.." said Laura, pushing the

Cat's giant tail away. "I am not going back in there, I'm starting to get allergic."

"It's the only thing that'll shut you up." The Cat grumbled.

"As I said before, YOU'RE SHUSHING ME?!!" Exclaimed Laura.

"Shh! Shh!" Exclaimed the Cat. "It'll hear you!"

"..I CAN MAKE ALLL THE NOISE I WANNA!!"

The Cheshire Cat face palmed with her tail. Laura inhaled, then screamed at the very top of her little lungs;

" H E Y H E Y W E ' R E T H E M O N K E E E E E E S!!!!!!!!!!"

"...children are so incompetent.." sighed the Cheshire Cat.

Laura screamed as the beast showed up right in front of her, giving a loud roar. Just as the Jabberwocky emerged, the Cheshire Cat blocked it with her spear.

"RUN!!" She yelled.

Laura ran, shoving foliage aside and hitching up her slightly dirtied and tattered dress. She hid behind a rock, breathing heavily. Just then, a cloud of purplish-pink smoke appeared, and the Cheshire Cat popped up.

"Yeah, I thought I said be quiet."

"WILL YOU STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE AND HELP ME?!" Screeched Laura.

"You bet!" The Cheshire Cat smiled.

"By the way, WHAT ABOUT A SWORD?!"

"Oh yeeeah!--the prophesy behind the Vorpal Sword clearly states and I quote; "'Twas Brilling and the slithy toves--yadda yadda yadda--the

Jabberwock with eyes of flame came shuffling through the Tulgey Wood and burbled as it came.." The Cat gave an awkward smile.

Laura raised an eyebrow.

"And...what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, this is the Tulgey part of the Wonderlandian forests, so..."

Laura's eyes widened as she heard something that sounded a lot like..."burbling". She did not look back, but said in the most deadpan voice ever;

"...don't tell me--it's him."

"Yep." Said the Cat.

Here, the Jabberwocky could be seen in full view. It was about as

large and wide as the biggest tank, with bear-like claws and gray fur,

and two bat-like wings sticking out from either side. Its eyes were white and soulless, its teeth and horns were very sharp.

(*...ghgggggRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRGHHHHHhhh!!!!!!!!!*) the beast bared its claws.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Screamed Laura.

"Grab on!" Said the Cheshire Cat, extending her spear.

"Oh yeah I tell

you somethin'

I think you'll

understand

When I say that

somethin'

I want to hold

your hand

I want to hold

your hand

I want to hold

your hand"

Laura laughed and stuck her tongue out at the Jabberwocky.

Suddenly, she screamed pure terror as the Cat seemed to be going off a cliff!!

The Jabberwocky swiped its claws at her, but the Cheshire Cat (holding onto a large root) protected Laura with her giant tail.

"YOU LIKE THAT?!" She called to the Jabberwocky. "YOU LIKE IT?!"

"I never thought I'd say thank you for using your tail." Said Laura, an expression of shock still on her face.

The Cheshire Cat purred.

"Oh please say

to me

You'll let me be

your man

And please say to

me

You'll let me hold

your hand

Now, let me hold

your hand

I want to hold

your hand

And when I touch

you

I feel happy inside

It's such a feelin'

that my love

I can't hide

I can't hide

I can't hide

Yeah, you got that

somethin'

I think you'll

understand

When I say that

somethin'

I want to hold

your hand

I want to hold

your hand

I want to hold

your hand"

The Cheshire Cat jumped off the cliff, and skillfully landed...on her

face.

"...bet you thought we land on our feet!" She chuckled.

Suddenly, the Jabberwocky leapt off the cliff, following the two until they were cornered!

"And when I

touch you

I feel happy inside

It's such a feelin'

that my love

I can't hide

I can't hide

I can't hide

Yeah, you got that

somethin'

I think you'll

understand

When I feel that

somethin'

I want to hold

your hand

I want to hold

your hand

I want to hold

your hand

I want to hold

your hand"

It seemed as though our hero and protagonist were captured by the Jabberwocky here...

Until the Cheshire Cat started to glow a purplish-pink aura. She grew to a massive size, bigger than the

Jabberwocky, with fur completely

covering her body and face. Ears

sprouted, and she bore no resemblance to an anthropomorphic vegetable no longer.

"Blow me down..." said Laura. "You really are a cat."

"It's just my animal spirit form;" explained the Cheshire Cat. "All

Wonderlandian animals can do it."

"COOL!!" Exclaimed Laura as

the Cat started beating the Jabberwocky to a pulp. "No wonder I saw that bunny lady do that earlier!"

Suddenly, the Cheshire Cat started beating the Jabberwocky more aggressively. The Jabberwocky

snarled and jumped on the Cheshire Cat. She gave an enormously wide grin, threw him into a bunch of thorn bushes and ran, giving him enough time to get angrier.


	6. Trial at the Red Queen’s Castle

"Well." Said Laura. "Guess that's that, I'LL BE GOING HOME, NOW!!"

She called to the Cheshire Cat.

Laura gleefully hopped away, thinking about how silly the whole thing was.

Suddenly, she stopped.

"Maybe..." she started. "Maybe I should help her."

Just then, the Jabberwocky returned, its jaws covered with saliva like blood dripping from a lance. It dashed after her, the Cheshire Cat not too far behind.

"Now, uh--" said Laura. "If I were a

red castle, where would I--"

(*BANG!!*)

Laura had crashed into something.

She held her head with a non-existent hand.

"...oh, bloody heck!"

Laura stared upward in awe. In front of her, was exactly the kingdom she was looking for! But this was no time to cavort the crimson courtyard..

Laura slammed the doors behind her. She looked all around; what a

magnificent, red colored castle this

was! Heart-printed grapefruit red

curtains lined massive windows,

flanked by equally massive pillars

supporting the castle. The floor

was the color of rouge lipstick, the ceiling a nice orangey-red.

"This must be the palace of the Red Queen.." said Laura.

Suddenly, right in front of her, all the lights went off, making way for a huge spotlight.

Vegetables dressed in primarily red clothing started to form a human tower. Music started, and at the

very top of the tower was a blonde-haired blueberry wearing an extravagantly large red ballroom gown with white diamonds sewn at the edges. On her head, she wore a crown with heart-shaped red diamonds.

Perhaps the Queen could give her guidance to get rid of the still-roaming beast.

"Don't tell me

not to live

Just sit and putter

Life's candy and

the sun's

A ball of butter

Don't bring

around a cloud

To rain on MMMYYYYYYy

parade!!!"

The blueberry sang and paraded down the tower of human stairs, twirling around on a pole a la Gene Kelly.

"Please, Madame, you simply must help me!" Pleaded Laura.

Nonetheless, Laura asking for help was overshadowed by the elaborate musical number taking place. She looked, and...was that a sword on display in the next hall?

Laura looked again.

The sword seemed to glow a magical aura.

"The Vorpal Sword!" She whispered excitedly. Then, she knew how to get the attention of the blueberry...

"Don't tell me

not to fly

I've simply got to

If someone takes

a spill

It's me and NOT

YOU!!

Who told you

you're allowed

To rain on my

para--"

Laura slid in front of the Queen,

interrupting the song. Everyone started at her, all was silent.

"Um..." Laura started, "...hi?"

"YOU!!" She exclaimed. "YOU, GIRL-THING! YOU STOLE MY TARTS, DIDN'T YOU?!" The Red Queen's

eyebrows furrowed.

Suddenly, a servant came out, making the moment more awkward for the two of them.

"Lollipop, your highness?"

"Thank you." The Red queen grabbed a lollipop and chomped the whole thing in her mouth. "Now, my dear..." she said. "Do you

know what happens to little girls that steal TARTS?!"

"...no!" Squeaked Laura.

The Queen looked even angrier as she pulled the stick out of her mouth, and broke it in half.

Laura gulped.

"OOFFF WITH HER HEEEEEEEEAAAADD!!!" Screamed the blueberry. "GUAAAAAAARDS!!!!"

Thousands of playing card-looking guards surrounded Laura.

She looked up, and sheepishly said, "Hi!". This caused every guard to

point their spears at her.

"Please, Miss Queen!" Exclaimed Laura. "You have to help me! I'm in serious danger!!"

"And why, should I help you?" The Queen raised an eyebrow.

"Because IM' BEING CHASED BY THIS BIG NASTY BEAR!! HAVE YOU SEEN IT?! IT'S GOT FANGS AN HORNS AN BIG, SHARP TEETH!! It's a jibber...jellybean...Jehoshaphat...er, JABBERWOCKY!! YEAH! THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE BIG

DISGUSTING MONSTER!"

The Red Queen looked furious still.

"I beg your pardon, girl.." she growled. "But that's MY BIG, DISGUSTING MONSTER!!"

"Oh..." Laura's eyes widened.

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BABY!!"

The guards grabbed Laura.

They started to carry her off, one looked at the underside of her skirt.

"OI!" Said Laura. "That is EXTREMELY rude! Unhand me this minute you big apes!"

\--

The Courtroom of the Red Queen was monolith; paintings of the past Queens and Kings lined the walls, red shag mohair carpeted the floor, Ming-era vases were on every table, filled with white roses painted red, basically everything was some shade of red!

"I call the first witness to the stand," the Queen said. "The DODO!"

A very fat dodo wearing a powdered wig and black waist coat waddled over to the podium.

"Now," the queen said, after licking a lollipop that was handed to her by a servant. "Where were you when that wretched girl arrived and STOLE my precious tarts that I love to eat ever so?"

The dodo looked up at the queen and gave a loud squawk.

"THAT'S THE MOST BLOODY IMPORTANT BIT OF EVIDENCE WE

HAD ALL DAY!!" Yelled the Queen.

One by one, the jury wrote down the "evidence". The trial droned on, becoming more and more boring and flat-out ridiculous.

Laura's stomach started to growl, she looked around to see if these weirdos had snacks. Sure enough, there was a glass bowl filled with miniature bubble-gum sized cakes.

"Eat me..." Laura examined the writing on the cake. She popped it into her mouth. "Don't mind if I--

DDOOOO!!"

Slowly but effectively, in spurts, Laura started to get a little bit taller. As she stretched, so did her dress and other articles of clothing. The chair she was sitting on groaned with her now added height and body weight. The jury, queen, and other animal-people gasped in sheer horror at what they saw.

"G-g-g-g-gUARDS!" Piped the Queen. "Get her!"

The card guards jumped up and started prodding her with their ace of spade and heart spears. Laura

barely even flinched, as she had been pierced by a needle a number of times.

"Rule no. 529,600; (sic) minutes (sic) Paragraph bleventeen, interval

84, sentence 22, and I quote: "All

persons a mile high and over, must vacate the premises immediately!" Exclaimed the Queen.

"Alright." Said Laura, now in a loud, deeper voice. "I'll leave! I'm not afraid of you teeny, little cards anyway! Not even you! Ya fat, pompous, bad-tempered old tyrant!"

Laura lifted up the roof and clambered out of the building, frightening everyone. She looked, and lifted up the next part of the castle, grabbing the Vorpal Sword, and placing it into her skirt pocket.

"And I'm taking this!" She yelled back.

Laura chuckled to herself; this was both the weirdest 30 minutes of her life she knew she couldn't get back, yet she was kinda loving this mind-trip! The carrot then noticed she was shrinking back to her original size, she quickly pulled the sword out of her pocket, and continued walking.


	7. Madness! THIS IS WONDERLAND!

Pushing through the many bushes and foliage, Laura came across a clearing. She looked around, wielding the Vorpal Sword in case the Jabberwocky came back (it was rather heavy now that she wasn't "a mile high").

Suddenly, it was as though she could hear singing...

"...Love,

Love, Love.

Love, Love, Love.

There's nothing

you can do that

can't be done.

Nothing you can

sing that can't be

sung.

Nothing you can

say but you can

learn how to play

the game.

It's easy.

Nothing you can

make that can't be

made.

No one you can

save that can't be

saved.

Nothing you can

do but you can

learn how to be

you in time.

It's easy!"

Laura clearly recognized that song.

She looked around, and saw ginormous multi-colored flowers in the midst of the clearing. On top of the massive fauna, was a cucumber wearing a sparkly pink captains uniform, John Lennon sunglasses, and a ginormous, intricately decorated top hat.

Next to him, was a lovely female

asparagus wearing a suit and...hare-like features?

"All you need is

love.

All you need is

love.

All you need is

love, love.

Love is all you

need."

The hare-woman blew raspberries at the part where there were

supposed to be horns. She and the cucumber continued dancing around the table and acting like a bunch of complete idiots.

This, was the Mad Hatter and the March Hare. Teapots and other utensils started dancing and

whistling along to the music. When

the Hatter and the Hare had finished their musical number, Laura started clapping.

The Mad Hatter and March Hare looked, then ran towards her, shooing her away.

"No room!" The cucumber Hatter yelled.

"No! Nope! Nope! No room! No room! Vamoose, kiddo! Better luck next year!" Said the March Hare.

Suddenly, Laura noticed the details of the ginormous hat the Hatter was wearing. The hat seemed small, but on one layer, there was a full replica of an enormous British East India ship, complete with taffeta ocean, the second layer had excessive rare diamonds and gems with Union Jack flags protruding from either end. The numerous other layers had things like a cowboy setting, a beach setting, and a huge, Marie Antoinette-like

swan on the very top.

"Why're you wearing that crazy hat?" Asked Laura.

"This ol' thing?" Said the Mad Hatter. "It's not crazy at all!"

"Watch this, this is so cool.." the March Hare bumped Laura's shoulder and winked.

"These hats are especially good for.."

The Mad Hatter pressed a small button on his hat. Slowly, a giant heart appeared from within, and out popped a violin that started playing romantic music. Bunches of rose petals exploded like confetti.

"... pickin' up on the LADIES!"

"I LOVE IT!!" Said Laura.

"You do?" Said the Hatter. "Well, then, if you appreciate my headware, then you simply MUST

have a cup of tea!"

"I thought there was no room." Laura said.

"That's...uh...that's changed." The Mad Hatter replied.

The March Hare reached inside one

of her ears, and pulled out a teapot and teacups. She handed one to Laura.

"One lump, or two?" She asked.

"Two will do nicely, thank you." Laura smiled.

The March Hare yanked out a mallet, and whacked the Mad Hatter twice.

"Oh, that's a classic.." said the Mad Hatter, deliriously. He fell to the ground on his face.

"You guys are off your gourds." Said Laura.

"Correction!" Said the March Hare, twisting her ear. "We're Mad! I'm

mad, you're mad, and he's

especially mad."

On one side of the Mad Hatter's hat; a cuckoo bird emerged with a

"cuckoo! cuckoo!".

Laura seemed puzzled.

"But I'm not mad!" She protested.

"Of course you are!" Said the March Hare.

"If you came here, you're BONA FIDE mad, sister!" Exclaimed the Mad Hatter. "Would you like to hear some music?" Asked the Mad Hatter.

"Certainly!" Said Laura as she sipped her tea. "Do you know any Elvis Presley songs?" Asked Laura.

"...Elvis...Parsley?" The Mad Hatter

replied.

"He's an American rock n' roller!"

"Oh..." The Mad Hatter gave a wide smile.

"..you're gonna love this, kid!" Said the March Hare. "He's really good with the faces!"

"Does he look..." The Mad Hatter's face dissolved into a liquidy, silly

putty-like way, re-shaping itself

(which made the Hare want to throw up), "...like this, honey?" Said the Hatter in a southern twang.

"Eeee!!" Laura happily screeched at his spot-on impression.

"I could sho go for a peanut-buddah banana sammich right about now Uh-huh Uh-huh.." The March Hare snapped her non-

existent fingers. Just then, a large, disgustingly unhealthy fried "sammich" with peanut butter and

banana materialized before the Hatter. "Uh-huh, Thankyewverehmuch." The Hatter

stuffed the heart attack between

two bread slices in his mouth with a nasty 'SPLORCH!'.

"SING THE SONG ABOUT THE SHOOES!!" Laura happily screeched, much like any diehard fan of The King.

"Whatever blues your Hawaii, darlin'.." The Mad Hatter instantly conjured a stage, much like the stage where Elvis would perform on the Ed Sullivan show. He emerged from behind a curtain and started

gyrating his hips.

"Well, it's one

for the money

Two for the show

Three to get

ready

Now go, cat, go

But don't you

Step on my blue

suede shoes

You can do

anything

But stay off of my

blue suede

shoes"

Laura happily screeched and approached the stage. The Mad Hatter picked her up, and she started to dance along with him.

"Well, you can

knock me down

Step in my face

Slander my name

All over the

place"

The Mad Hatter twirled Laura, she

jumped over his head much like a leapfrog game.

"Do anything

that you want to

do

But uh-uh, honey

Lay off of my

shoes

Don't you step on

my blue suede

shoes

Well, you can do

anything

But stay off of my

blue suede shoes"

The March Hare jumped on-stage and started dancing as well, along with the tea cups and sugar bowls.

"Let's go, cat!

Ah, walk the

dog"

The Mad Hatter tossed the hookah of a smoking caterpillar in the flowers, said pipe deteriorating.

"Sorry, cool cat-erpillar!" Said Laura. "This is a non-smoking theatre!"

"You can burn

my house

Steal my car

Drink my liquor

From an old fruit

jar

Do anything that

you want to do

But uh-uh, honey

Lay off of my

shoes

And don't you

Step on my blue

suede shoes

Well, you can do

anything

But stay off of my

blue suede shoes

Ah, get

Yeah

Well, it's one for

the money

Two for the show

Three to get

ready

Now go, cat,

go!"

All that noise awoke a small dormouse-pea living in a hollowed out (pecan) log. He looked outside to see all the commotion, then

walked back inside his home and

started sleeping again.

"But don't you

Step on my blue

suede shoes

Well, you can do

anything

But stay off of my

blue suede shoes

Well, it's

Blue, blue

Blue suede shoes

Blue, blue

Blue suede shoes,

yeah!

Blue, blue

Blue, suede

shoes, baby

Blue, blue

Blue suede shoes

Well, you can do

anything

But stay off of my

blue suede shoes!"

The Mad Hatter finished with a "YEAH!". Laura and the March Hare cheered.

"Thank yew, thankyewverehmuch." Said the Mad Hatter before transforming back into his regular

face.

(Bongo instrumental)

As soon as the song had finished, that white rabbit from earlier showed up. She had morphed into

her asparagus form, clad in a black sweater, vest, a beret, and shades.

"Ohhhh, if it isn't Blanca Harriet; how's it doing, dear sister?"

"Not groovy." Said the white rabbit. She sat upon one of the flowers.

"Well then, have some tea!" Said the March Hare.

"Is tea the answer to everything?" The white rabbit raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it'll stop a down face like

yours!"

"...tea never stopped the Russians from making the Sputnik." The white

rabbit said, drolly. The March Hare

was puzzled. Even by the standard of Wonderlandian craziness, this was random.

"No thanks on the tea, sis...if you recall, I prefer coffee." The white rabbit "snapped" her non-existent

fingers. "Dark, like how I like my

men..."

The March Hare laughed. Reluctantly, she bought a cup of

espresso to her sister.

"Oh, you barmy Beatnik types," the March Hare chuckled. "Always drinking your coffee and doing slam poetry."

"What's all this then?" Asked Laura.

"Kid," the White Rabbit leaned down to Laura's size. "You are in a greater danger than you realize,

dig?"

"What?" Laura was still confused.

"What I mean, Laura," Said Blanca. "Is that you must leave immediately!"

"Why?" Asked Laura. "And how do you know my name?"

"The Red Queen; she knows you're headin' back to Earth, and she plots to kill you with the Jabberwocky, for you stole the Vorpal Sword!" The white rabbit's left eye twitched. "Cool it, I know how to get you out of here, but if she sends the Jabberwocky to Earth, you're on your own."

The White Rabbit dug a bit of a hole, slowly it stretched and warped until it was extremely long, a pink light illuminating the center.

"Craaaaaazy, isn't it, man?" Said the White Rabbit.

Just then, the Cheshire Cat burst

through the bushes, transforming back into her vegetable form.

"Oh, good, you found the sword!"

She proudly exclaimed.

The Mad Hatter and March Hare

gasped at the sight of the weapon.

"So the prophesy is true!" Said the March Hare.

"Where are my manners?" Said Laura as she pushed the Cheshire Cat. "Blanca, M.H and M.H, this woman is a hero!"

"Nice to meet ya, kitty!" Said Blanca.

"She saved me from that big, er...that big whatever it was!" Laura said, happily.

(Cue saxophone riff)

The Mad Hatter's eyes widened, his John Lennon sunglasses popped.

The Cheshire Cat and Mad Hatter locked eyes.

"Enchanté, Mademoiselle.." said the Hatter in a French accent, tipping his hat. "And who, is this pretty kitty?" The Hatter asked, clearly flirting.

The Cheshire Cat blushed and moved away, slightly, twirling a strand of her hair.

"...my name?" She giggled. "Call me Chessi."

Both the Mad Hatter and Cheshire Cat leaned in and puckered their lips...

"Sugar pie,

honey bunch

You know that I love you

I can't help myself

I love you and

nobody else--"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH!!" Exclaimed Laura. "NOT SO FAST, MATE! YOU GUYS JUST MET!!"

"In Wonderland, relationships are very different." The Cheshire Cat

glanced at Laura.

Laura was about to go back into the

portal.

"Oh, and sweetums?" The Mad Hatter called. Laura turned around.

"Elvis is cool and all, but I've sent my conscious a few years into the future, ten years later, 1977 to be

exact."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"You DO NOT wanna know how he dies; it's either a cruel irony or a tragic injustice."

"Okay..." said Laura. "Goodbye, I love you all..."

Laura smiled as she went back through the hole.


	8. In Which Wonderland comes to England

As soon as Laura had gotten through the rabbit hole, she awoke. Her sister was still reading, she was asleep.

"Oh my GOODNESS!!" Exclaimed Laura. "I just had the most WONDERFUL dream!!"

"Oh, now did you?" Asked Laura's sister. She placed the history book down.

"Yes! And there was a Cheshire cat, a white rabbit, this mad hatter guy,

everything was all like; WOOOOOOAH, it was so weird! And

there was also a big, huge monster

that nearly dismembered me! It had HUGE, freakin' jaws that could RRRIP A MAN ALIVE, an--"

"Laura, Laura, Laura." Laura's sister spoke with a firm tone. "Please, listen.." Laura's sister sighed, wrapped a non-existent arm around her younger sister. "You cannot spend the remainder of your life thinking about such childish things like this; I've seen you write and draw about this, "Wonder-Land" when you weren't any more than five, and it is still apparent to this day. How will you manage to uphold the Liddell name as an adult if you continue to stay in your child world? In order to survive in the adult world, one must abandon those conjured as a child; imaginary friends, tea parties, and most importantly, chasing rabbits. And unless you do not do this quickly while you are still young, dear sister, you will be embarrassed, humiliated, and rejected for the rest of your days."

Laura's enthusiasm was quickly curbed. She looked down, dejected.

"Life is not a pretend-play, Laura Liddell." Said Laura's sister. "What would Mum and Dad think?"

Laura paused a moment.

Perhaps she was right.

Then again, why would she listen to

her.

"They'd think I'm doing BETTER than YOU when it comes to original IDEAS!!" Laura screeched. "WHY WOULD YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO NOT BELIVE ME?!"

Laura's sister frowned.

"Forget it." Said Laura, grabbing the Vorpal Sword. "I'm leaving."

Just then, something large and hairy grabbed Laura's sister and ran away! Upon closer viewing this

was the JABBERWOCKY!!

"In the town

where I was born

Lived a man who

sailed to sea

And he told us of

his life

In the land of

submarines"

Laura turned around to find her

sister was gone. She gasped, and

yelled "HEY!!".

Meanwhile, the Jabberwocky was running so fast with Laura's sister that she could have sworn she was going through a time warp.

"OW!"

A tree branch smacked her face.

"OOH!"

A larger branch smacked her face.

"GAAH!!"

A bird's nest was on her head, two baby birds chirping hungrily.

"So we sailed

up to the sun

Till we found the

sea of green

And we lived beneath the

waves

In our yellow

submarine"

Laura's sister was shocked to find the hideous creature had carried her all the way to London!! How

amazing and horrifyingly strange

it all was.

Wonderland; had come to England.

Fortunately, brave Laura was not far behind, having hitched a ride on a horse.

\--

"Hello! and welcome back. This is BVBC-1, British Vegetable Broadcasting Corporation, and we have exciting news! The world-renowned Beet-les have returned to London where they will create their new album, "Sargeant Pepper's

Lonely Hearts Club Band"! Odd name, isn't it?"

The cameraman pans to five beets walking on a crosswalk. They are surrounded by millions of adoring

fans on the other side.

"And here they are--the fab five,

Ron, Saul, Bingo, John, and...Larry. Whom...they haven't exactly mentioned at all...I...didn't even know he was in the band.."

Just as they finish walking across, the Jabberwocky barges through, leaving Abbey Road somewhat in

distress.

"SAVE MEEE!!!" Exclaims Laura's sister.

The fab five...now the Fab Four,

are left huddling nearest a lamppost in terror.

"...can we go back to America, now?"

\--

Eventually, the Jabberwocky had arrived at one of London's most

famous landmarks; Big Ben.

There, from a place so high up, was where it would kill Laura's sister in front of the citizens of Earth. After that, the world was his for the taking, in the name of the Queen of Hearts..

The Jabberwocky growled and snarled as it held Laura's sister in its clutches. It climbed higher and higher, until it was somewhat at the top of Big Ben. Laura's sister winced as the horrible beast opened its jaws, releasing a disgusting breath that smelled

something like kippers, dog saliva,

aged cheese, and an odd hint of beet.

Just as the Jabberwocky was

about to devour her, a voice cried out; "HEY YOU BLOODY

WANKER!"

The Jabberwock turned. There, in front of him was Laura, holding the Vorpal Sword.

"DROP. MY. SISTER, YOU BEAST!!" She pointed it at the creature.

The Jabberwocky laughed at poor Laura's plight, but nonetheless it prepared itself for the kill. Laura

lunged at the creature, giving a

battle cry worthy of Braveheart, and sliced off one of its wings, wrapping its body in the Union

Jack flag.

Screaming and spitting, the Jabberwocky angrily ripped through the flag, snatched Laura's sister and jumped off Big Ben, landing on a double-decker bus.

Laura Carrot quickly followed, and amidst the screams of frightened tourists the beast continued to rampage through London. Following

once again, but this time, on a

scooter, Laura managed to catch

them at Buckingham Palace.

"I SAID PUT HER DOWN, NOW!!" Laura leaped off the scooter (which

crashed and exploded) and swished the Vorpal Sword at the

Jabberwocky, the beast cringing at

the sight of the sword's power.

Laura and the Jabberwocky fought long and hard, (occasionally

breaking a few statues but they

had better matters to attend to!) until the Jabberwocky had Laura cornered, the Vorpal Sword on the other side of the room. Laura's sister stared at her little sibling and the enormous monster, and took pity on her.

"Yes, Laura." She said. "I believe you. And I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

Laura's sister slid the sword under the monster. Laura grabbed the sword, and with all her might, wedged the sword into the heart of the terrifying Jabberwocky, spewing sparkly purple blood. The beast fought and fought to keep the piece of metal from piercing its respiratory system, but it was no use.

"...you don't frighten me." Said Laura to the monster.

The Jabberwocky died; in a strange

way, dissolving into nothing but a sand-like, black liquid.

"You're just a figment of my imagination!!"

The beast was fully dead. The dark, rainy clouds of London parted,

revealing glorious beams of sunlight.

"O' FRABJOUS DAY!!!" Exclaimed

a voice that Laura knew was the Mad Hatter. "CALLOOH CALLAY!!!!!!"


	9. Epilogue

Millions of police vehicles showed up outside the palace, thousands investigating what had happened.

"So love," said one of them. "You're telling me, that a bloody huge, winged, horned bear burst through a park in Cambridge, kidnapped your sister, and dragged her all the way to London? And after said event, YOU killed it?"

"Yes, officer." Said Laura. "It's a rather long story, and, let's be real, if I told you, you'd probably laugh."

"Darling!" Said the police officer. "The evidence is right here! Do you

seriously think we'd be laughing?!"

Laura smiled. It was nice to know that people believed her for once.

\--

Well, the government of Great Britain tried so hard on how to properly access the abnormal

incident, that they had to perform

numerous actions in order to not

declare a state of emergency for

Europe.

The Vorpal Sword was placed on a mantle in the Liddell household for all to see. Eventually, after a few months, people forgot about the whole Jabberwocky incident, because the Beet-les (they are the pride of Britannia, after all) had released their new album.

As a reward for saving the city, Buckingham Palace held a private knighting ceremony for Laura, being since she had killed a monster, and as a bonus, her and her sister received airfare to America and free tickets to watch Elvis's newest concert. Just the other day, a man named Lewis offered to write a children's book about her story--she turned him down.

But Laura kept on thinking about that wonderful world of her own.

That world which, might seem nonsensical to the adult life, but what would always remain at the

bottom of her heart for all her life,

that would never fade to her constant childlike nature and extreme sense of optimism. Laura eventually told her sister all the marvelous and strange things about Wonderland, and hoped that she would return one day.

Because deep down, we are all children at heart, aren't we?

——

End.

"Listen baby,

ain't no mountain

high,

Ain't no valley low,

ain't no river wide

enough baby

If you need me

call me, no matter

where you are,

No matter how

far; don't worry

baby

Just call my name;

I'll be there in a

hurry

You don't have to

worry,

Oh baby there

ain't no mountain

high enough,

Ain't no valley low

enough,

Ain't no river wide

enough

To keep me from

getting to you

babe

Remember the

day I set you free

I told you you

could always

count on me

darling

From that day on,

I made a vow,

I'll be there when

you want me,

Some way, some how

Oh baby there

ain't no mountain

high enough,

Ain't no valley low

enough,

Ain't no river wide

enough

To keep me from

getting to you babe

Oh no darling

No wind, no rain

Or winters cold

can stop me baby,

no no baby

'Cause you are my

goal

If you're ever in

trouble;

I'll be there on the

double

Just send for me,

oh baby,

My love is alive

Way down in my

heart

Although we are

miles apart

If you ever need a

helping hand,

I'll be there on the

double

Just as fast as I

can

Don't you know

that there

Ain't no mountain

high enough,

Ain't no valley low

enough,

Ain't no river wide

enough

To keep me from

getting to you

babe

Don'tcha know

that there

Ain't no mountain high enough,

Ain't no valley low

enough,

Ain't no river wide

enough

Ain't mountain

high enough

Ain't no valley low

enough"


End file.
